I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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