His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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