i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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