I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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