Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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