I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize