Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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