Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize