Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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