Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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