he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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