friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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