please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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