but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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