I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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