so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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