TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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