It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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