didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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