he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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