Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize