Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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