i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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