Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize