I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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