i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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