cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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