You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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