If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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