____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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