I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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