you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize