Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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