Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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