And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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