He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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