My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize