My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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