He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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