it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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