so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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