I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize