So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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