At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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