Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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