i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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