i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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