i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize