Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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