He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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